my last five new year's eves:

1998: spent it with a boy i loved very much. my friend darrell turned on a pr0n movie at midnight. much screaming ensued.

1999: had a party at my parents' house. everyone disappeared when my parents showed up from THEIR party. was summoned from bed at 7 am the next morning to mop the scummy floors.

2000: spirited into the fanciest party in burque by a pro basketball player. (no i am NOT making this up.) got free drinks from the mayor's ballroom, until we were driven away since we weren't supposed to be in there. weird fact: a boy i would date several months later was there, too, but our paths did not cross.

2001: had a party at my ill fated rental house. i was passed out in the bathroom by 11:30 and so i missed all the fireworks. (hey, i was turning 21! also, i was v. drunk and had smoked a lot of pot.) doorknob of bathroom was taken off in order to remove me and put me in bed.

2002: kicking my parents' asses in trivial pursuit, then eating birthday cake, while drinking. hey, i sure know how to party!

fun fact: i was once a telemarketer, and i actually enjoyed the job.

flame me all you want, biznatches. i'll just call you back.

well, hmm. i'd like to blame my lack of updating on blogger's hack, but truthfully, i'm just a lazy fuxor! also, when people are sleeping in the two rooms where computers live, you can't really get in and begin banging on your clackety box.

so, five facts (i think this should catch me up)

i hate coffee, i love going on road trips, i have been in love exactly once, i have one tattoo, and one of my secret favorite things to see is people driving while wearing headphones.

it's been a while since i rapped at ya, huh!

anyway, three fun facts: i've been to twenty-five states and two countries, i taught myself to read when i was two and a half, and somehow heartbreak hurts just a little bit more on christmas.

hope y'all had good ones!

ten days left!

saturday, december 22: i have been in 13 car wrecks. i am a hazard to those others who are stupid enough to get on the road with me. amazingly, i've only had to pay one ticket, for speeding. not only am i a stupid driver, i do it at over eighty-five miles an hour.

time to start elizabitch's birthday countdown! for the next 11 days, i shall regale you all with interesting, little known facts about me!

friday, december 21: i have unnatural wrath toward alligators. it started when i took an anthropology class when i was a freshman, and the professor explained in excruciating detail about the alligators that would lay in wait underneath trees overhanging rivers. the little proto humans would lean out across, to get fruit or something, and those fucking alligators would reach up and eat them in one bite. maybe it's because i was drinking a lot and sleeping only very little that semester, but something clicked in me.

later that year when i went to the zoo i got so angry when i was in the reptile room i almost hyperventilated.

ps, oh yeah, if anyone knows where i can get mp3s from the conet project, please let me know. thanks!

my theme song: walls, by tom petty.

what's yours?

ok, so i totally figured out why osama bin laden hates the US so much.

bin Laden = bigfoot.

i'm serious. here in the united states, we're pretty down on bigfoot, thinking that he's a mythical legend and shit. bigfoot's a mockery. i've taken the liberty of making a chart:

bin Laden             bigfoot
--------------           ---------
*tall bastard           *tall bastard
*hairy                   *hairy
*likes to hide           *likes to hide
in the mountains       in the mountains
*is sometimes seen         *is sometimes seen
on camera, yet doesn't       on camera, yet doesn't
like his picture taken         like his picture taken

everyone knows that more primitive socities believe in the legend of bigfoot or the yeti. yet, maybe they were on to something. i think bin Laden/bigfoot came into some money somehow, maybe a lotto win or something. he then used the stock market to parlay that money into a fortune, and moved to the middle east. he shaved all his hair except his beard, because he didn't want anyone to see his ungodly bigfoot teeth. he chose to present himself as a "defender" of Islam because he knew that it was the one major world religion that american society wasn't really clear about.

he was hurt by the american culture's continual mockery of him, not even believing that he was real. so he decided to show us that he was a real creature. since we didn't get that he was bigfoot from the other bombings, bin Laden decided to do something drastic on september 11.




think about it!

ew, ew, ew. kaht;erkfrar ewrewewewewwwwww.

in other news, though, i'm glad to know that the american academy of dermatology only supports piercings through the ears. thanks, docs! i'm glad i removed all the metal from my head!

(thanks boingboing)

dear subconscious,

every night before i fall asleep i think "wouldn't it be nice to have a sexy dream? or even a making out dream, or, you know, a dream with kittens and puppies. but not at the same time, sicko."

this usually works, but for whatever reason last night you decided to give me a present: a dream about nuclear war!

thanks, subconscious! thanks a lot!

asshole.

so maybe it's too much, but i get all smushy when i have to look up something for someone with his same last name, and my heart leaps when i think i see him (even though he's up where i'm not and i know, i know that he won't be here) but maybe if nothing else it gives me something to look forward to.

oh, man. i only posted on usenet a few times, but what a tool i was! i used this =:-) a lot.

fuckin'. damnit. i thought all this stuff went away! i don't really cringe very often, but damned if i'm not cringing now.

(search deletia@wtaccess to find my mid-teen nerdliness in all its glory!)

ineffective ways to subdue a jaguar.

you get the car
I'll get the night off
You'll get the chance to take the world apart and figure out how it works
Don't let me know what you find out
I need a car
You need a guide
Who needs a map
If I don't die or worse I'm gonna need a nap
At best I'll be asleep when you get back

I wanna see it when you find out what comets, stars, and moons are all about
I wanna see their faces turn to backs of heads and slowly get smaller
I wanna see it now

I want specifics on the general idea
I wanna think what I should know
Want you to do me what to show

I wanna see movies of my dreams
I wanna see movies of my dreams
I wanna see movies of my dreams
I wanna see movies of my dreams

I wanna see it when you get stoned on a cloudy breezy desert afternoon
I wanna see it untame itself and break its owner
I wanna see it now
I wanna see it now

danny pestal DANNY PESTAL danny pestal DANNY PESTAL.

godDAMNIT do a vanity search already. i'm only one fucking person.

kaapusan: did you see the rest of my webcomics besides those four?
liz_butler2000: yeah man
liz_butler2000: im lovin the insane cat posse
liz_butler2000: i read your comics every day, sir
kaapusan: GOOD
kaapusan: cause i did it JUST FOR YOU
kaapusan: YOUUUUUUU
liz_butler2000: i know
liz_butler2000: MEEEEEE
kaapusan: and then i did Boston Pee Party for Deandra

young lady, is that your clackety machine?

ha ha ha!

did anyone else notice that quantum leap is a show that, at best, can be called "motherfucking judo-jacked"?

what the fuck was going on there, i ask you!

man, today was the best fucking day of my life! here's what happened: there was no barkin' from the dog, no smog,
my mom cooked the breakfast with no hog, I got my grill bone, but didn't pig out.

i was thinkin' will I live another twenty fo'. I gotta go 'cause I got me a drop top and if I hit the switch I can make the ass drop. Had to stop at a red light, lookin' in my mirror not a jacker in sight (can you believe it?).

Called up the homies and I'm asking y'all, which park are y'all playin' basketball? Get me on the court and I'm trouble, lasst week, i fucked around and got a triple double. Drove to the paddy hit the showers, didn't even get no static from the cowards cause just yesterday them fools tried to blast me. saw the police and they roll right past me. After that, I went to Short Dog's house, Nobody I know got killed in South Central L.A. Today was a good day...

It's like today was like one of those fry dreams. didn't even see a berry flashin' on his high beams, also no helicopter lookin' for a murder. I was kind of hungry, so two in the mornin' got the fat burger. Even saw the lights of the Goodyear Blimp, and it went elizabitch is a pimp!

Drunk as hell but no throwin' up. halfway home and my pager's still rollin' up. today I didn't even have to use my AK, even though i totally thought i would.

mostly i just wanted to say it was a good day. a fuckin' good day.